I've Taken My 9-month-old Baby on 20 Flights — Here Are 5 of the Biggest Lessons I've Learned

"We’re not sure where your car seat is."

Those are eight words no traveling parent ever wants to hear. But as we lugged our two kids (ages 9 months and 3 years) through the sleepy El Paso airport, scoping out which service desks were still open at 9:30 p.m., we couldn’t help but laugh. "Just another datapoint," I said, chuckling as I squeezed my husband’s hand. Because you see, that’s really all you can do when your car seat doesn’t make it to your destination and you still have a three-hour drive ahead of you.

That level of calm may seem ridiculous, but my family isn’t new to challenging travel. We lived nomadically for more than a year, visiting nearly 30 countries along the way. We managed the whole adventure without ever checking a bag and developed a resilience that made even the longest travel days — like our one in El Paso — seem manageable.

That said, traveling with a little baby was new for us. Due to COVID-19 closures, we didn’t start traveling with my oldest until he was nearly a year old. So, when our second child was born, we had a new set of skills to hone and travel questions to answer. How bad is air pressure actually on infant ears? Could my daughter do tummy time in the aisle? How do you entertain a novice crawler on a long-haul trip?

Fast-forward nine months, and my little girl has taken 20 flights. That’s 20 takeoffs, 20 landings, 20 aisles paced, 40 airport walks, and nearly 50 in-flight diaper changes. And in a lot of ways, taking 20 flights in nine months is like running the same experiment over and over again. It might be painful, there are certainly some surprises, and you’ll definitely collect a lot of data before it’s over.

Here are my conclusions — the lessons I’ve learned the hard way so you don’t have to.

Lesson 1: Avoid gate check at all costs.

In our 20 flights, our gate-checked car seat was lost twice. Now, a 10 percent failure rate may not seem so bad at face value. But when each incident includes a wait at an abandoned luggage carousel, a hunt to find the appropriate airline personnel, the wonky installation of a cheap loaner car seat, and the complicated return coordination, that small number takes on a whole new meaning.

Generally, I’m a devout carry-on traveler. Even with two kids, my family never travels with more than two backpacks. But even I would recommend checking over gate checking. Better yet, seek out products you can bring on board. The Yoyo2 travel stroller fits in the overhead bin, so it never needs to ride down below. Gate agents will often let you bring your car seat aboard if there’s even a single free seat on the flight — just ask.

Related: How to Get Your Baby a U.S. Passport, According to a New Mom

Lesson 2: Budget airlines cut corners on more than snacks and baggage.

With the amount of travel we’ve done this year, we’ve often turned to budget airlines to cut costs. In choosing those airlines, there are certain amenities I expect to forgo: I know I’ll need to pay for snacks, and that even my personal item will likely experience close size scrutiny.

The surprising difference I’ve learned is budget airlines won’t sit your family together unless you pay for seat selection. On seven of seven budget airline flights, even on those that were more than 50 percent empty, my family’s seat assignments were scattered all over the plane, and we were unable to change them at the gate.

Now, this isn’t the end of the world; kind passengers were willing to switch with us on all but one flight. But it's worth noting, you’ll likely need to rely on human kindness if you want to keep your family together on a budget airline.

Lesson 3: Variety is the best entertainment.

One of the most common questions I get about flying with young kids is about the toys: "What should I buy before my first flight?" "What will keep their attention for six hours?" My short answer: There's no silver bullet, but variety and novelty go a long way.

Part of the strategy is recognizing the vast developmental leaps in a baby’s first year. What entertained her at 3 months was a total flop by 5 months. But sometimes, those 3-month items could be used in a new way at 8 months. It’s also worth keeping in mind most babies under 1 are too young to engage with a screen for more than a few minutes. On each flight, my best bet was to cycle through a series of options and see what stuck.

Now, "variety" doesn’t mean you need to bring your whole playroom along. My daughter has been entranced by the crunch of a plastic cup, the elastic of a luggage tag, and the sheen of an airline snack menu. We also often fly with glossy paper calendars and a roll of painter’s tape; both provide visual and sensory stimulation, take up little space, and can be left behind if they end up destroyed. A good no-pack activity is sheer movement. Walk the aisle, do tummy time on your empty seat, and visit the galley kitchen.

Lesson 4: Dress in layers — and that includes you.

When flying with a baby, mess is inevitable. But in tight quarters, taking off a soiled layer is far easier than putting on a new one. I always dress my daughter in a T-shirt or onesie, layered under a stretchy, breathable sweatshirt. I care so much about travel-friendly kids clothes that I started my own company, First Peak, to produce them.

Beyond dressing your little one in layers, don’t forget about yourself. After one particularly challenging transcontinental flight with a diaper blowout and a toddler with motion sickness, my husband disembarked in foggy San Francisco wearing just swim trunks and a short-sleeve T-shirt. A backup for yourself can be easy to forget, but is often critical.

Lesson 5: There aren’t "good fliers" and "bad fliers."

After 20 flights with my daughter, I often receive the response, "She must be a great flier by now." But in truth, I don’t believe there are "good fliers" and "bad fliers." Yes, she made it through plenty of flights without a single tear, and she’s gotten more flexible with time. But for no reason I could name, her 20th flight was a straight screamfest from takeoff to landing. Some days are smooth; others are more turbulent.

The nice thing is that in those 20 flights, I experienced immense kindness in the difficult moments. I had seatmates who raved about their noise-canceling headphones; I had strangers who played Patty Cake and even offered to hold my baby for a few moments. Every time my anxiety was rising, I was able to find a sympathetic smile.

Rather than focusing on training a "good flier," I instead try to think about fostering a good environment, or the best I can manage, given the circumstances. At the end of the day, the flight is just a means to an end — an adventure, a celebration, or an occasion is just a seatbelt sign away.

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