How to cope with grief over Christmas as Annabel Croft faces her first since husband's death
While many Britons will be looking forward to Christmas, the festive season can be a dark and difficult time for those who have lost a loved one this year. Former tennis player and Strictly Come Dancing star Annabel Croft is one of them, having lost her husband Mel Coleman earlier this year.
The radio and TV presenter, 57, opened up about her family's plans over Christmas in an appearance on Lorraine on Monday 18 December. She revealed that, along with her three children, she will be going away this year as they don't want to be at home at this time of year.
It comes after Croft's husband Coleman died in May at the age of 60 after a battle with cancer. The couple had been married for 30 years.
Speaking to Ranvir Singh, Croft said: "It's going to be a bit weird this Christmas, we had a very normal family Christmas last year. I would never believe that one year later, my husband wouldn't be around.
"It's horrific, you don't even know how to put words to describe it. But we're going to try and do something a little bit different this year and just get away. Nobody wanted to be at the house really... Mel always carved the turkey and did the ham and he was always busy-bodying around in the kitchen and just enjoying a normal Christmas."
Watch: Strictly's Annabel Croft can't be at home for first Christmas without husband
As Croft prepares to face her first Christmas without Coleman, her words struck a chord with fans who have experienced grief around what should be a joyful season. One fan wrote on X, formerly known as Twitter: "I totally understand her feelings. We, too, can't face being at home after the death of my husband.
"He loved Christmas and we can't bear to be in those four walls without him at this time of year. Christmas is an incredibly difficult time for so many people."
Another added: "Grief is such a difficult area to navigate at Christmas in particular. My dear Mum loved this time of year, it was her thing. Grief can sometimes be the elephant in the room nobody mentions. It's hard. Much love to anyone missing a loved one this Christmas."
'Take a moment to hold the person you’re missing in your mind and heart'
The emotional toll of bereavement can hit particularly hard around the festive season, no matter how much time has passed since the death of a loved one.
"Christmas can be a deeply painful time for those who have lost loved ones,” psychologist Dr Aria Campbell-Danesh told Yahoo UK.
"The sense of grief and loss are often amplified during occasions that mark family time. This can manifest as disbelief, shock, numbness, profound sadness, crying, anger, fear, regret, guilt, mental exhaustion and physical tiredness."
While there is no "right" way to process the loss of a loved one, Dr Campbell-Danesh recommends confiding in people you trust about what you are going through.
"Ask others how they’re feeling too,” he said. “Studies show naming emotions actually reduces their intensity."
Certain family traditions could trigger waves of grief. Perhaps a game of charades conjures up memories of a lost grandfather, or a beloved aunt made the mince pies enjoyed every 25 December.
"Talk as a family about whether it feels more appropriate to continue an old tradition or create a new one," said Dr Campbell-Danesh.
"You may wish to do both, for instance keeping the typical set-up for the day, whilst also marking the life of the person that passed in a personal way.
"This could include lighting a candle, reading a poem, baking the person’s favourite Christmas pudding, visiting the grave or place where the ashes were scattered, or making a wreath or tree decoration that represents the loved one."
Liz Ritchie, a psychotherapist at St Andrew’s Healthcare, believes that holding on to widely-celebrated traditions may bring some relief during this challenging time.
"Perhaps this festive season we should hold onto things that brings us joy and comfort when we need it most," she said.
These may include decorating the house and exchanging gifts with loved ones.
While some choose to push feelings of grief away, honouring a lost loved one may make Christmas easier to cope with.
"Take a moment to hold the person you’re missing in your mind and heart," said Dr Campbell-Danesh.
"You may wish to do this on your own or with others, for instance taking a minute silence or going round the family and discussing your favourite memories of that person."
It may feel impossible, but if you can, Dr Campbell-Danesh advises trying to enjoy the festive season amid your grief.
"It’s important to give yourself permission to potentially experience moments of joy on Christmas Day too," he said.
"There may be times when you aren’t thinking about the person, or you’re happy or laughing; that’s okay too.
"There isn’t a specific way you should be feeling. It’s likely different emotions will surface and pass at different times.
"See if you can flow with whatever arises and try to be gentle with yourself."
‘Whatever you are feeling is valid’
Ritchie also recommends people try to reframe their way of thinking.
"Be mindful of the ‘what ifs’, ‘could haves’, ‘should haves’, ‘maybes’ and ‘if onlys’," she said.
"These can be natural responses to grief, but it is perhaps more helpful to radically accept ‘what has happened’."
That being said, do not be ashamed if you find the Christmas season challenging.
"Remember whatever you are feeling is valid," said Ritchie.
"Those coping with grief during this emotional time should not feel isolated and unable to speak.
"You will have intense feelings during this time. Accept feelings of anguish are difficult to avoid."
Bereavement can develop into depression, with some enduring persistent feelings of sadness or tearfulness. Others may have physical symptoms, like a loss of appetite or insomnia.
Ritchie stressed people should continue to look after themselves amid their grief, ensuring they are eating well and getting plenty of rest.
If bereavement becomes a serious issue, speak to a GP or Cruse Bereavement Care on 0808 808 1677.
Read more about grief and mental health:
John Lydon sleeps with wife’s ashes: What are the five stages of grief? (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
Anticipatory Grief Might Be The Process You Don't Even Realise You're Going Through (HuffPost UK, 5-min read)
Michael Palin says he felt ‘lopsided’ after death of his wife: How to cope with male grief (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
