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Granny State: Have I found the secret to stopping terrible-twos tantrums?

Granny throws a tantrum - Getty
Granny throws a tantrum - Getty

“Oh, oh,” as Rose would say. Granny’s in trouble again. Apparently I’m not being strict enough with my granddaughter, who is currently in the throes of the terrible twos - even though she’s barely 20 months.

So far, the list of my crimes includes: giving her chocolate croissants on demand; feeding her two breakfasts to keep her quiet and allowing her access to my mobile phone.

And that’s just the beginning.

The problem is that I’m scared. We’ve just been through the summer holidays, where Rose’s teacher parents have been around 24/7.  It’s taken my granddaughter a few weeks to adjust to having me in charge again. And I don’t want to lose her love.

It seems I’m not alone, as I discovered at a lunch party yesterday where female guests automatically hived off into granny and non-granny groups. 

I wait until Rose goes into meltdown. She throws herself on the carpet and bawls. I do the same

“I’m genuinely frightened of upsetting my granddaughter in case she goes off me,” confided one woman. “Her first two-word sentence was ‘no way’. Now I leave the discipline up to my husband. The funny thing is that all he has to do is hold up a finger and say ‘that’s enough’ in a firm voice and she stops yelling. But it doesn’t work for me.”

I can’t suggest the same tactic to Newish Husband because he’s not Rose’s blood grandfather. Somehow it wouldn’t seem right for him to get heavy. He feels the same. Last week, when she made a dive for one of his priceless vinyl records, NH didn’t even tell her off. But if I merely brush one accidentally, he goes into spasms.  

“Actually,” says my daughter briskly, “Rose needs discipline from both of you. If you don’t tell her off, it makes life more difficult for us. You were pretty firm when we were growing up. Remember how you put soap in our mouths when we swore? Why can’t you be the same now?”

Good point. The thought of the soap treatment (which, I only did once) is unthinkable. Nor would I ever shout, lock myself in the bathroom, or threaten ‘bed-as-soon-as-you-get-home’ - all of which happened when my daughter was growing up.

And that’s when I get my idea. I wait until Rose goes into meltdown over my handbag. Usually I let her rifle through it, but now I say ‘no’ in a voice that means it. She throws herself on the carpet and bawls. I do the same.

“What are you doing?” asks NH appalled.

“Just pretending,” I hiss. “Remember the advert?”

Readers might recall a commercial some years ago when a frustrated mother throws a toddler tantrum in a supermarket. Until now, I hadn’t realised how cathartic it could be. I let out all my frustrations while – yes! – Rose has stopped yelling and is watching me with a horrified expression on her face. 

“You’ve probably damaged her psychologically for life,” splutters NH when I pick myself up from the kitchen floor. 

She throws herself down on the floor, next to a dubious damp patch on the floor and yells

Actually Rose is as good as gold after that. “She doesn’t seem to be playing you up any more,” says my daughter approvingly a few days later. “I told you that being stricter would help. By the way, could you come with me to the hospital next week for my check up? It would be great to have another pair of hands.”

All goes well until I am instructed to take Rose to the baby changing room. She promptly heads for the overflowing bin, disobeying my “I don’t think that’s a good idea”. Then she throws herself down on the floor, next to a dubious damp patch on the floor and yells. This time I’m not keen to follow suit, but somehow I coax her onto dry ground.

Later that day, my daughter rings. “Remember how I asked you to change her nappy?”

All too well.

“Did you know that you put it over the dirty one?”

Whoops. My mind clearly wasn’t on the job. Which all goes to prove that it’s much easier, second time round, to give in to toddler demands. Just don’t tell the parents. 

Next time: Granny gets everyone's backs up