why do I bother sterilising milk bottles when my kid just licked the floor of Tesco
— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) August 22, 2023
No sadder relationship dynamic than my baby (absolutely obsessed with my 3yo) and my 3yo (continually tells us to throw her in the garbage)
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 24, 2023
If you want to be yelling at your kids in the car at 4:30 in the morning before you even get to the end of your driveway, a vacation might be for you!
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 22, 2023
Would love to have a brief chat with whoever taught my son to roll his eyes and say “oh my GOD” whenever someone displeases him oh wait
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) August 23, 2023
One day you’re taking care of your baby’s every need and the next you’re like, “Did I feed my kids lunch today?”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 19, 2023
went on vacation so my kids could play on their ipads in a different state
-a modern day parenting story
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) August 20, 2023
What I said: it’s bedtime
What my kid heard: put on a Batman mask and check the hallways for crime
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 21, 2023
My 6yo has started calling himself a smarty pants and when I asked him why he thinks that, he said “Well, I’m smart and I wear pants.”
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) August 22, 2023
Halfway through my kid’s crazy complicated Subway order, the guy asked “Where you going with this sandwich, man?”
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) August 20, 2023
Me to my husband: "Don't worry, he's only 2, he'll forget about wanting ice cream for dinner if we don't bring it up."
My 2yo: "Behold, mother, there is the exact space Grandma parked in when she drove me to this playground 3 weeks ago; I was clad in my green Stegosaurus shirt"
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 24, 2023
Paid $75 to take the family to the zoo so my toddler could ooh and ahh over a caterpillar in the parking lot.
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) August 19, 2023
My 8YO’s drawings of me have improved in detail. Although she still draws my body as a round ball, she now adds a nice touch by filling in the dark circles under my eyes.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) August 23, 2023
11-year-old: I'm bringing my saxophone home from school tomorrow.
11: To practice making sounds.
Me: You mean notes?
11: No. We haven't learned those yet.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 23, 2023
My daughter asked me if they had ice cream in the olden days and it took me a minute to realize she was talking about when I was a kid
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 22, 2023
My 6yo found money and said it's unfair that I took it from her because she found it. In my house! She found MY money in MY house.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 23, 2023
Remember when your mom would just drop you at the mall and have no way to get in touch with you? I don’t even trust my kids to go upstairs alone.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 22, 2023
After I told my son it was time to leave the children’s museum, he replied, “I had a bad day and it’s all your fault!” so I replied, “awesome.” Several moms overheard and gave an understanding laugh, and it was immediate kinship.
— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) August 23, 2023
The eight year old: I wrote another book, my best one yet
Me: That’s so great, do you think you’ll be a writer when you grow up?
Her: *stares* Did you not hear me, I wrote books. I’m a writer already
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 22, 2023
I think you're supposed to look at this painting and think something terrible is written in the letter but as a mom I can tell you she's just trying to write a simple grocery list with a 4 year old around and she's given up all hope of ever finishing. pic.twitter.com/JcAVZaMFl8
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 22, 2023
Not to brag but I finally got the sand out from the car from the last beach trip in 2018
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 23, 2023
"Welcome to daycare. Here's your eye infection."
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 24, 2023
My kid has been begging for a pet so I bought her a rug and told her it was her carpet. She didn’t laugh.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 21, 2023
Shout out to the mom who didn’t blink when my kid told her that I keep all of her art projects forever, we’re in this together and you had my back
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 21, 2023