Every Real Housewives YouTube Cooking Demo, Scientifically Ranked

Shay Spence
Every Real Housewives YouTube Cooking Demo, Scientifically Ranked

After landing a gig as a regular cast member on any of the Real Housewives franchises, one’s career prospects, while strong, are somewhat limited.

You don’t go from throwing a glass of red wine in someone’s eye at a charity fundraiser on national television to, say, Deputy Secretary of Interior, for example. And yet, there are options: Jewelry designer. Workout video instructor. Vaginal rejuvenation expert.

Perhaps the most common and natural next step, however, is cookbook author — or, the more all-encompassing term, lifestyle guru. It should be no surprise, then, that when you search “*insert any Housewife’s name* cooking” on YouTube, chances are some quality results are yielded.

Here, I have gathered the 10 best Housewives cooking segments, ranked using a scientific algorithm based on culinary ability, quality of recipe, and production value.

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10) Kelly Killoren Bensimon’s “Supermodel Salad”

Bensimon admits she’s “not a chef,” she’s a cook — a nod to the dig she made at RHONY castmate Bethenny Frankel during their trip to Scary Island. With that distinction in mind, this video is still…rough.

Being that it appears to be shot on a T-Mobile Sidekick without a tripod in sight, the production value leaves something to be desired.

From an ingredient standpoint, this salad — from her book I Can Make You Hot — sounds pretty good. Spinach, watermelon, shrimp…okay, why not. The amount of balsamic vinegar she used is concerning, however. Also, in the pantheon of foods that should be mixed with your hands, salad is not necessarily up there.

Culinary Prowess: 3
Recipe Desirability: 4
Production Value: 1
Overall Score: 2


9) Bethenny Frankel’s Low Calorie Banana Nut French Toast

This 2007 diet.com segment feels like something that 2016 Bethenny Frankel would shame into oblivion. From the shaky camera (what year were tripods invented?) to the acoustic guitar strums, this production is not fit to lick the SkinnyGirl Watermelon Lime Margarita residue off her boots.

While Frankel clearly has the kitchen confidence and culinary knowledge one would expect from someone with her pedigree, this dish feels like the wrong vehicle for her to display that. Healthy French Toast is sad.

Culinary Prowess: 5
Recipe Desirability: 2
Production Value: 1
Overall Score: 3


8) Caroline Manzo’s Spaghetti Aglio e Olio

Let’s start with this: If there’s Housewives cast member whose house I’d like to have Sunday dinner at, it is Caroline Manzo. You know this family does not mess around when it comes to Italian food, and you know she can cook.

Having said that, this particular rendition of a classic pasta dish — which is just spaghetti with olive oil and garlic — is slightly concerning. Firstly, the amount of olive oil in that pan feels egregious.

Secondly, that garlic is burned, which Manzo admits is because it’s been sitting there for too long. We’ll allow that same excuse to fly for the seemingly overcooked noodles and chalk it up to the pressures of cooking for the camera.

On the plus side, someone finally discovered a tripod.

Culinary Prowess: 3
Recipe Desirability: 3
Production Value: 5
Overall Score: 3.5


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7) Ramona Singer’s Mojito Chicken Skewers

Looking past the fact that this “Behind the Burner” series seems to just be a very obvious advertisement for Bacardi rum, the segment is interesting in that what starts off as Ramona’s recipe is commandeered by the host halfway through, who takes it on as her own recipe.

The concept of the dish sounds nice, and the marinade itself looks tasty. It is, however, crying out for some salt. ¼ teaspoon for all of that meat? And don’t even start with that sad pile of spinach in the center of the plate.

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Bonus points for this line: “You beat that out of my mouth. It’s so tender and moist. And moist. And the flavor? It’s full of flavor.”

Culinary Prowess: 4
Recipe Desirability:
4
Production Value: 
4
Overall Score: 4

6) Gretchen Rossi’s Ham & Cheese Puff Pastry Pinwheels

The saddest thing about this segment from Health Beauty Life: The Show is that they spelled Gretchen’s name wrong in the opening credits. The second saddest thing is the music they play while she cooks, which sound like the Sex and the City theme was adapted for a casino commercial.

Looking past that, this video gets points for producing food that I actually want to eat. While Gretchen has never been the most domestic housewife, she seems to have no delusions about her cooking skill level and stays in her comfort zone, which we appreciate. Bonus points for handling the host’s sustained attempts at creating sexual tension with grace.

PSA: Stay tuned ’til the end if you need some more Slade Smiley in your life.

Culinary Prowess: 2
Recipe Desirability: 6
Production Value: 3
Overall Score: 4.5


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5) Dina Manzo’s Holiday Cocktails

The younger of the estranged sisters Manzo has a surprisingly calming presence on camera. Not saying she’s Ina Garten or anything, and maybe it’s just because I’m in the holiday cocktail spirit right now, but she’s giving off some warm, fuzzy vibes here.

Culinary Prowess: 3
Recipe Desirability: 6
Production Value: 7
Overall Score: 5


4) Kandi Burruss’s Baked Spaghetti

A celebrity cooking web series hosted by Nancy Grace is up there with Heather Dubrow’s room full of Veuve Cliquot in the category of Things That Probably Shouldn’t Exist But I’m Very Thankful They Do.

Being a seasoned member of the Old Lady Gang, it comes as no surprise that Burruss knows how to cook. This dish — made with pasta, cream of mushroom soup, cheddar cheese, and tomato sauce with turkey sausage — is straight up American comfort food at its finest. Hate if you want, but there is no way that’s not gonna be delicious.

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Culinary Prowess: 6
Recipe Desirability: 7
Production Value: 8
Overall Score: 7


3) Ana Quincoces’ Ropa Vieja

The Real Housewives of Miami may have been an ill-fated franchise, but Ana Quincoces has proven her ability to stay relevant on the reality TV scene, competing in the past season of Food Network Star. It’s clear she’s got the chops, and this recipe almost makes us want to buy one of those pressure cookers she’s hawking.

If not for that inedible choking hazard of a bay leaf that’s garnished at the end, she would have gotten a perfect 10 for culinary prowess. One point deduction for the botched landing.

Culinary Prowess: 9
Recipe Desirability: 7
Production Value: 6
Overall Score: 7.5


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2) Teresa Giudice’s Deviled Shrimp Pasta

Giudice struggles with the pronunciation of “sauté” the way the rest of the world struggles with the pronunciation of “Giudice”, but it only makes her more endearing. While her energy level is not all that we’re used to from her, she makes up for it with a plate of pasta that looks truly Fabulicious.

Culinary Prowess: 7
Recipe Desirability: 8
Production Value: 8
Overall Score: 7.75


1) Sonja Morgan’s Toaster Oven Chicken Parmesan

We do not deserve Sonja Morgan. While this series — $20 in Under 20 Minutes — appears to have suffered the same mysterious fate as her line of toaster ovens, Morgan brings it in a way that only she can. All scoring criteria is out the window. 10s all around.

via GIPHY

Culinary Prowess: 10
Recipe Desirability: 10
Production Value: 10
Overall Score: 10