Don't Listen to Mila Kunis — Spoil Your Kids On Christmas
Mila Kunis is so over your Christmas gift-giving tradition. The Bad Moms actress and her husband Ashton Kutcher have decided their kids, Wyatt, 3, and Dmitri, 1, already have the moon and the stars, and the last thing they need is a Hatchimal or a little unicorn thing that sits on your finger and blows you kisses. (OK, maybe everyone needs one of those, but you see what I'm getting at here.)
The point: Kunis and Kutcher aren't giving their children Christmas gifts this year. Here's what Kunis had to say about it in an interview with Entertainment Tonight: "So far our tradition is no presents for the kids. We're instituting it this year because when the kids are [younger than] one, it doesn't really matter. Last year when we celebrated Christmas, Wyatt was two and it was too much. We didn't give her anything - it was the grandparents. The kid no longer appreciates the one gift. They don't even know what they're expecting; they're just expecting stuff."
I have two children, ages 6 and 3, and I can confirm everything Kunis says is true: After they open gift #3, it's all downhill from there. In fact, you can consider yourself lucky if Christmas morning doesn't end in a flood of tears and tantrums because someone didn't get a very special LED saddle for the Barbie 12-piece horse set that came with every-freaking-thing else found in Zara Phillips' stable.
My oldest daughter was 3 when she developed a hunger for gifts. She wasted no time tearing into that Toys 'R Us mail catalog that arrived at our house that October (there has to be a secret toy spy squad lurking around hospital nurseries, because how else do they know the exact year to start mailing out that thing?). That was the first time my Kunis-like radar perked right up.
Like most kids, my little girl wanted everything. My instinct was to tell her that she was not entitled to most of it, or any of it, really. If not for my husband and some friends who forced me to check myself, I could easily have been just like Kunis on Christmas.
Growing up, I experienced beautiful Christmas mornings with my family. We ate pancakes and my brother and I danced around the living room couch to some awful disco holiday album. My parents didn't get up at 6 a.m. to open gifts - we waited until they were ready and had made their coffee, and only then was it time to dig into pretty boxes filled with…a few toys, yes. But also books. A pair of pants. And socks - yes, socks.
Ours wasn't a tale of a family who couldn't afford Christmas gifts - it was the opposite, actually. I was raised in a fairly affluent neighborhood in New York where my car pool buddy drove us to school in a navy BMW. We went on overseas family vacations and attended safe private schools. There was never a time when I wondered whether we would have food that night, could afford penicillin, or had to choose between going to the dentist and paying for ballet classes. I deserve zero pity: My family didn't give lots of toys and gifts on Christmas because they didn't value gifts - and that's because it's a lot easier not to value gifts when you're able to provide these items year-round.
My family didn't give lots of toys and gifts on Christmas because they didn't value gifts - and that's because it's a lot easier not to value gifts when you're able to provide these items year round.
Growing up this way made me believe gifts are lovely, but not necessary, and this attitude extends to how I feel about them when it comes to my children. To this day, I'm an awful gift-giver, as my husband will tell you - a giver of engraved letter openers, as if we live in a Dickens novel. That kind of awful.
My husband, on the other hand, told me recently he already knows what he's getting the kids and me for Christmas. Sweet, yes, but nerve-racking, because his gifts are almost too thoughtful and extravagant - and I'm sure that has a lot to do with the fact that his childhood Christmas gifts were nothing like mine.
My husband was raised by a single mom in a working class neighborhood. My mother-in-law is devoted, loving, pretty darn close to perfect - and Christmas was the one day each year when she had the green light to make her kids feel like they could have the world. She was and is whip-smart with money and didn't rack up debt to purchase their toys, but saving as much extra income as possible to buy them as many as gifts as possible was a priority for her. My husband still remembers opening wrestling figures and other toys with fondness - and also with extreme gratitude and an appreciation for his mother's sacrifice.
He still gets those warm and fuzzy feelings when he thinks about Christmas morning, and it makes him want to spoil our kids the same way. If it were up to him, he'd give them all the American Dolls (whereas I bought our daughter one knock-off doll whose leg is nearly falling off). Gifts under the tree aren't even enough - their stockings have to be chock-full of itty, bitty toys, too.
It took a few years for me to understand why gift-giving is important to him, but I've come to realize that his experience, and the experience of several friends whose Christmases mirror his, isn't wrong, wasteful, or one that inspires greed. It's one about giving and generosity, and a desire to make his children feel special.
It's also made me realize that it's a privilege to be able to say your kids don't need anything on Christmas, or any gift-centric holiday, because it implies that they already have everything they need or could possibly want. That's nothing be ashamed of - Kunis' holiday tradition is a fit for her famous, affluent family. But celebrity parenting rules aren't always applicable to regular families. Non-celebs like us aren't privy to the same luxuries they are, and we shouldn't look to them as examples of what parenting should be. No parent should feel like they are wrong for wanting to treat their kids on the holidays, just like no parent should feel obligated to have to cover every square inch of space under the tree with a wrapped gift. We're all doing the best we can.
But celebrity parenting rules aren't always applicable to regular families. After all, we aren't celebrities.
Do I still squirm a bit when my kids receive a gift that seems wasteful? All of the time. But I've decided to focus my energy on making sure they appreciate what they have and understanding the importance of donating items that others need more. My hope is that they grow up, like me, knowing they don't need gifts, but inheriting from my husband the pleasure in giving them to others.
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