Dating 101: Have you been daygamed?

Niki Bruce
Contributor
(PHOTO: Getty Images)

Have you been approached by a random guy in the street, in the middle of the day, and had him say: ‘Excuse me, I just had to say hello’?

It might seem innocuous, but it is actually part of a new pick-up trend, the so-called ‘art’ of daygaming. The fact that the word ‘game’ is included in the name, should set off warning signals. 

The founders of the idea, and its accompanying website, describe the process as being about the "the art of meeting and attracting amazing women without going to nightclubs". Which might be what it started as, but is not what it is now. 

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According to reports, the main issue is how the concept has been linked to Roosh V-related forums. This is the infamous pick-up artist who is known for deeply misogynous attitudes towards women, and has also been linked with the violent group known as Incels

Despite these unsavoury links, there are a number of individuals who continue to support the daygaming concept, setting up seminars, websites, and even bootcamps for men to pay for tips on how to pick up women. It is just basically a pick-up scam, just because the guys are trying it on during the day, doesn’t mean they are really interested in getting to know the women they hit on.

Like many of these organised dating and pick-up groups, daygaming has members all over the world using social media to list down their ‘successes’ with descriptions of the women they have met, and had sex with. It is all about numbers for these types of men.

(PHOTO: Getty Images)

Women who have experienced being ‘daygamed’ say that it feels very manipulative. Being approached by a stranger in the street, when alone, and then being bombarded with a series of slick questions is apparently very unnerving. 

“I couldn’t find a way to get out of the conversation,” says Anna Li, 26, who was approached in the lobby of her office building. “He was polite, but the way he kept pushing me to answer his questions was like a slimy salesman. I just felt really uncomfortable. It felt like a set up.”

“From an outsider’s perspective, it must have looked like I knew the guy,” explains Dora Tham, 29. “But I didn’t, and it was a bit strange how he kept talking to me. The questions were basically polite, like if an auntie asked them you wouldn’t think about giving answers. But with a guy you don’t know ... it was just too much. It felt a bit creepy.”

Being approached by someone could be kind of romantic and cute-meet, but it is the slickness of the questions, the pushy nature of them, that sets off women’s radar. 

“It’s a formula, it’s not real,” says Tham.

What might have started out as a way of helping shy guys meet more women, has, like most of these strategies, turned into yet another ‘game’ by certain types of men. Advice to those shy guys… Just be yourself, don’t rely on someone else’s ideas about what women want.