Turn your traumas into stepping stones and ascend to greater heights
Rainy Rainmaker is an executive life coach and strategic interventionist who is trained in practical mind and emotional mastery, and has more than seven years of coaching experience. Her clients are high-achieving professionals who believe they are meant for more, and she helps them achieve their aspirations with her Rainmakers Transformation Journey. Her programme has helped hundreds of people build their inner strength and break through their fears when they hit a roadblock in their lives and careers.
As a result, they feel fulfilled and happy, and are able to level up and do what matters to them. Her clients have been able to experience what she calls “potent side effects”—such as increased earning power, job promotions, and rekindled love. Today, I had the chance to take a deeper look into Rainy's life story, to discuss her past, her business and coaching journey, as well as her plans for the future.
Qn: Tell us about your life growing up.
Growing up, my family appeared whole on the outside, but were internally broken. Screaming, shouting, crying, doors slamming, and plates flying were the common sights and sounds of my childhood. I experienced fear of abandonment at the age of 5 when I overheard my mother mentioning to my aunt she wanted to leave us because her marriage had become a living hell. Having experienced copious amounts of anger, fear, insecurity, and sadness up to that point, my 5-year-old self was convinced that failure results in awful pain. Because of that, I grew up living in mediocrity, lacking confidence and running away from opportunities that could’ve helped me to grow. I never dared to aim too high, dream too big, or love too much.
Qn: Today, you have more than seven years of coaching experience. How did it all begin?
My own marriage turned out to be a toxic relationship I was stuck in for 11 years. I was verbally abused, constantly belittled, and made to feel inadequate. I was not able to nurture my emotional growth with love. Instead, I spent five years of my life with a victim mentality, finding myself in a constant battle with depression. I was trapped in my self-imposed emotional prison, not knowing how to break free, and spiralling downward in misery with no one to reach out to.
My turning point came in the form of a desire to put an end to my suffering. I was sick of how I had been feeling, and decided that I’ve had ENOUGH. I wanted CHANGE. I didn’t know exactly what I had to do or how to do it, but I was determined to do whatever it took.
I invested a lot of time, money, and energy into reinventing myself and purging the unhealthy beliefs that I lived by. I started attending personal development courses and seminars. I slowly rediscovered how to love myself, and over time, learned to embrace my innate love and passion to become my authentic best self.
My journey of rediscovery gave me a newfound purpose in life. In 2013, I joined a community of coaches to serve and bring out the best in people, and have never looked back since.
Qn: Why should people engage a life coach to help them through big life or career changes?
It’s common to experience high levels of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty in life, especially when major events occur—a breakup, the loss of a loved one, moving to a new country, etc. Our emotional attachments to the things that are missing in our life cause us emotional discomfort, and prevent us from making rational decisions.
Some people respond by shutting down and fleeing from their challenges, because our minds are wired to seek safety, comfort and certainty. An experienced life coach can help navigate those hurdles of emotional distress, making the transitions in our life smoother and faster.
To determine if you should engage a life coach’s guidance to see yourself through major changes in your life, you can ask yourself these questions:
Do I want to regain my confidence and get back in the driver’s seat of my life?
Do I want to let go of my anxiety, fear and uncertainty quickly, and live peacefully?
Can I do it by myself? If not, should I seek a guide who can help me with the above, and also help me gain clarity, create strategic action plans, and place me on the right trajectory to reach my goals easier and faster?
Qn: How does life coaching help someone gain the self-confidence to face these career challenges?
Our career and personal life are more interlinked than we may think. When one experiences challenges at work, it usually has something to do with what’s happening in their life or their inner world.
One of my clients holds a senior management position in the marketing industry. She told me she was afraid to speak up at work, especially during senior management meetings. She was also afraid to attend business networking events because she always felt inferior compared to the other attendees. Despite her leadership experience, she was afraid to make a career shift and pursue her calling as a leadership coach.
Given her position, it would be hard to believe that a lady of her calibre would have such fears. But as we dug deeper, we managed to pinpoint the root cause of her fears.
Growing up with a demanding “Tiger mom”, she had been conditioned to constantly be perfect. She was never allowed to make mistakes in anything she did. No matter how much she had accomplished, it was never enough, and over time, it crippled her self-esteem and confidence.
The “programming” of her inner child was sabotaging her as an adult. Her fear of making mistakes prevented her from speaking up at meetings, and her lack of self-belief was causing her to feel inferior to the point that even networking with others became too big of a leap for her to take, let alone risk pursuing her calling.
It was only when we discovered the root cause of her problems that she was able to express herself fully and break herself free from her self-imposed limitations affecting her career.
An experienced coach will be able to help clients crush their inner roadblocks, which in turn will increase their confidence and courage to tackle bigger problems and take on greater challenges in their work and life.
Qn: What are some common questions you’re asked?
How can I “level-up” at work? I’m stuck, unmotivated, and I feel like giving up.
How can I get rid of my impostor syndrome? I don’t believe I’m good enough despite all my accomplishments, and I’m afraid that people will find out that I’m not as good as they think I am.
How do I regain control of my life when it’s falling apart?
I’m at X stage of life (e.g. in my 40s) and I feel I’m meant for more than just paying my bills and getting by. I want to find my purpose and feel fulfilled doing what I love, but I’m afraid to lose my stable income and start all over again. How can you guide me?
Qn: Tell us more about impostor syndrome. How often does it happen with your clients? How do you help them get over it?
Throughout my work, I find that many high-achieving, go-getter professionals commonly experience impostor syndrome.
One of my clients, “Jane”, is a 31-year old expat working in an MNC in the financial industry. She gets told that she is successful, and frequently receives compliments for her work.
But internally, she was always filled with self-doubt. She attributed her achievements and success to luck instead of her own competence and diligence. To herself, she was a fraud, and couldn’t accept any compliments or take ownership of her own success. It caused her to feel unhappy despite her proven accomplishments.
So I got her to practise self-love, letting go of perfectionism and keeping track of her own success.
However, the root causes of these issues are often buried deep within, and the problems that we see on the surface are merely the symptoms. For Jane to be free of her impostor syndrome permanently, we had to uncover her root cause, which could be traced all the way back to her childhood traumas.
Once found, I guided her through various strategic intervention processes to resolve her problems at their epicentre for good.
Qn: What is one piece of life advice you would give to readers out there?
I used to feel that I was a resourceful person who could find my way without the help of others. But such a belief ended up costing me years of time, money, and energy dealing with setbacks as I tried navigating by trial and error.
My message to my younger self, or the readers out there, is “Don’t be afraid to seek help. Sometimes, you can achieve your goals faster and easier when you reach out for help. Someone out there has experienced what you’re going through. Ask them to show you the way so you don’t have to make any unnecessary mistakes and pay the price for what you didn’t know.”
Qn: Lastly, what’s next for you?
In February 2020, I started a nurturing, positive and uplifting #HeartTalk community in Singapore. Over the past fifteen months that it’s been active, I’m impressed with the growth and improvement of our members when it comes to their personal development, the quality of their relationships, and their general level of happiness in life. It’s always great to have a supportive tribe of like-minded people.
Inspired by the work of Brene Brown, Oprah Winfrey and Jada Pinkett Smith, I’d like to expand my impact by starting my #HeartTalk show, to become an Influencer with a force for good.
I want to lead people to a space of empathy and gratitude, where we aren’t ashamed of our vulnerabilities and aren’t afraid to celebrate our authentic best selves. I want us to discover our purpose, fulfill our greatest potential, and have the courage to live our best lives. And I’d love more people to join our movement.