We’ve all had our fair share of housemate horror stories from tedious arguments over who last took the bin out to passive aggressive Post-it notes left on the fridge.
But one person’s checklist for a new London housemate has gone viral for its superbly long (and admittedly unrealistic) set of requirements.
Twitter user @rxdazn posted the bizarre message on Twitter after a friend was sent the response on the UK’s largest flat-sharing website, SpareRoom.
To kick-start the list of stipulations, the anonymous person writes: “I work from home five days a week and I need the place to myself. If you have a proper job, this shouldn’t be a problem. Students who go to university on random days for a few hours or stay at home all day long and chill out unfortunately can’t live here.”
But if that isn’t enough to make any future housemate feel uncomfortable in their own home, the list also includes bathroom restrictions.
“If you have to run to the toilet 15 times a day or every 15 minutes, don’t move in here,” the message states.
Also off limits is using door handles rather than pushing doors to slam, laughing out loud after 11pm and cooking in the flat before 8.30am and/or after 11pm.
“I don’t like people spending a lot of time cooking in general,” the person adds. “If you ONLY eat cooked/fried meals because you don’t know how to make a sandwich, and you hang around the kitchen for hours a day (and I do mean HOURS) or spend every weekend preparing elaborate meals and baking, etc, this isn’t a place for you.”
The set of tenancy agreements also rules out dinner party guests (not that you’re allowed to so much as turn on the oven), as the list also states: “I don’t want to constantly see your friends hanging around the flat. If you have guests three times a week, it’s too much.”
Other highlights include no canned beans (the flatmate is looking for “sophistication”) while any dish that requires washing up is also strictly off limits.
Unsurprisingly, the tweet has amassed almost 2,000 retweets with social media users taking to the digital platform to mock the advertisement:
There are no words 😅 It’s the amount of self-contradictions that get me. You gotta have friends and be really interesting… but you can’t actually talk to anyone and we only allow guests max 3 times a week and they have to be people I like etc. etc.
— AubameDan Twining (@GeetawrDan) November 24, 2018
I once laughed at 11.01pm
— Whizz (@Emmawhizz) November 24, 2018
I don’t understand how you can expect someone to work 9-5 but wait until 8:30AM to make breakfast? Is this flat a five minute walk from all typical employers?
If I want bacon and eggs on the daily and I get up to make them and clean up, what odds?
— susan (@susansays__) November 24, 2018
This person needs to live by themselves because they don’t want someone else to actually do any living there. They just want someone to pay bills.
— Noncompliant (@_noncompliant_) November 23, 2018
“I want to live alone and I want you to pay rent so I can afford to do it”
— Lo (@lolaxwolf) November 24, 2018
But with the number of renters in the UK on the rise, there’s sadly not much room to be picky when it comes to choosing a property.
According to the Family Resources Survey, the proportion of of 35 to 54-year-olds who live as private tenants has nearly doubled in 10 years since 2006.
Meanwhile, the BBC reports that renting among 45 to 50-year-olds is also on the rise with debt playing a large factor.
—Watch the latest videos from Yahoo—
Read more from Yahoo Style UK: