8 things you’re never too old for – from high heels to internet slang

I was beautifully trolled on Twitter last week – I expect  I had criticised bread, or something – and this kid went straight in on the age-based insults.

‘Judging by your sunglasses,’ they tweeted, ‘you’re trying to be “trendy”. Let it go. Go do some gardening.’

Mean. But sort of funny. And also sort of ‘What? There’s an age limit on sunglasses now? Who knew?’  My response: I bought even bigger, younger(?) frames. I’m not sticking to your ridiculous rules, dear world, so don’t ever tell me I’m too old to…

Wear sleeveless tops

I watched Trinny and Not Trinny do a TV fashion item for women over 40 once. And the main tip seemed to be ‘cover the fudge up’ – focusing mainly on the dreaded upper arms.

Dreaded? I’m quite attached to mine. As are my shoulders and lower arms. Wear. What. You. Want. Bingo. Wings. Or. Not. (And, anyway, why are we assuming 40-plus arms are flabulous?) Who cares? When has attractiveness ever been about perfection?

That’s possibly the best thing about getting older: having the confidence to do and say what we want. And if that means wearing  a tank top, so be it. 

Slip in a ‘cray-cray’

Oh boy, I love a ‘cray-cray’. My nieces Elly and Lois said ‘cray-cray’ ( for ‘crazy’) to me once and I adopted it immediately. And now the girls can hardly look at me when I say it – and they, of course, have never uttered ‘cray-cray’ since. Ha! 

The best ‘too old to say this’ was at the theatre a few years ago, though. A friend  and I were at a preview and the PR – a 60-something woman – came over and asked if we’d like to meet the star. ‘Oh yes, please!’ we said. ‘No wuzzas,’ she replied. Forget the delicious A-lister, it was ‘wuzzas’ that made our night. 

That’s the point of language: it should add some much-needed colour to our lives. And you have to stop enjoying that when? I shall forever mortify the girls with ‘cray-cray’ (it makes me laugh too) and ‘no wuzzas’ (no worries, people) will be with me for life. 

Slick on the brights

Sure, my lovely lips aren’t as plump as they once were. But my smile is definitely cheekier. Definitely saucier. Definitely less shy. Definitely more, er, experienced. (Oh, the stories these lips could tell…) And definitely worthy of the attention gorgeous bright lipsticks attract.

Brights for the bright young things? Of course.

And for the more mature woman? Yes, for us too. Age should not dim any of our brights. 

Use social media 

While my arthritic little digits can still type (I don’t actually have arthritis), I’ll be enjoying my Twitter/Insta/Facebook etc. Why not? I’ve made great friends through social media; found beaux (now I’d suggest I’m too young to use that word); laughed way too much; and almost got an ulcer from the ‘open the oven door after it’s been pre-heating for an hour’ ferocity of the rows there.

Why should the young have all that agonising fun? 

Well, it seems they don’t. According to recent Comscore data, almost half of over-55-year-olds who dabble online visit Twitter: 84 per cent look for information on products; six in 10 follow interests and topics they’re passionate about; and 54 per cent say the internet makes them feel closer to people.

Traditionally, getting older meant becoming more isolated and living smaller lives. Well, not any more. #Preach.

Totter in heels

Hitting middle-age, arm-wrestling it to the floor and tickling the little bugger into submission shouldn’t mean losing your glam.

For some, killer heels are just that: a pain in the balls (of your feet). But for others – freckly writers who are almost 5ft 2in, say – they’re mini ladders to joy.

I intend to be in heels well into my 80s. Perhaps beyond. Especially if I retire to the village  of Totteridge. Seems rude not to. 

Have long hair

Have you seen this hair? It would be a crime to have it cropped. My friend Jo disagrees. My friend Jo says she doesn’t want a man to see her from behind and come over all Terry Thomas, ‘Oh, hel-low…’, and then see her from the front and be all ‘My eyes!’ But my friend Jo is cray-cray.

What? We’re over 40 and our crowning glory slips? Never. My hair is still super-healthy and comedy glossy and shiny – and I do believe I’m 930 years away from a blue rinse. (Although those pastel shades are quite cute… Am I young enough for those?) 

True, I don’t suit dead-straight, almost-waist-length hair. But then I didn’t even when I was a filly. Now I have a tousled, lightly layered, just-beyond-the-shoulders, lob (*searches cyber-slang for that one*) that lifts my face and still gives me the swish.  I will never give up my swish! 

Be up all night

Clubbing, all-nighters, festivals… Life, my friends, is short and if staying up all night drinking and dancing and laughing is your thang, then do your thang!

Yes, you may pay more than a little price the next day (why do hangovers get worse with age?) but there is nothing more life-affirming than still having late-night/early-morning adventures. And, bottom line, if you’re going to get up twice in the night for a wee, you might as well be out and about doing it. 

LOL

Or ROFL. Or LMAO. Or WTF. Look, IMHO, my generation invented the grabby acronym way before internet slang. SWALK, anyone? Oh, STFU! (SCNR!)