The 5 Rules of Dating Tinx Would Tell Her 22-Year-Old Self
Tinx is turning back time. The TikTok superstar Christina Najjar, better known to her fans as just ‘Tinx’ is on a mission to make the single life, the sweet life–where introspection, self development and fun are on the menu. With the launch of her first book, The Shift, Tinx drops the mini-mic and shares her greatest tips and anecdotes around relationships, love and the secrets to getting what you really want (hint: it’s simpler than you think.) PureWow recently sat down with Tinx to ask the five laws of dating she wishes she could tell her 22-year-old self (she’s 32 now, in case you were wondering) and let’s just say she spilled the tea…and then some.
1. INSTEAD OF “DO THEY LIKE ME?” ASK, “DO I LIKE THEM?”
“I wish someone had told me when I was 22, ‘Tinx, he doesn’t like you. BUT, you don’t like him, either. I was obsessed with validation in my 20s.” Tinx confesses. “I didn’t care who he was, I just wanted a boyfriend so badly. When in reality, I could have spent that time working on myself, or spending time with my amazing friends, or probably trying harder at work, to be honest” Tinx says, with a laugh. “You don’t need to wait for a relationship to be happy.” That’s the unlock, and that’s the first question you should ask yourself after a date, regardless of age.
2. DATING IS A NUMBERS GAME
“I believe that if you’re looking for your person, you have to have open energy” Tinx urges. “A huge part of my book is that you can’t rush love–there is perfect timing for everyone and you have to trust in the universe’s timeline, not society’s.” If you find yourself already playing the numbers game, she has a piece of advice for you, too: “If I told you today that in a year from now you would be with your dream partner, how would you act? Things like enjoying time with friends, having fun, star-fishing in the bed every night…those are what we take for granted when we’re single.” She adds, “You can have both mentalities. For me, I’m excited to fall in love and find my person, but I’m also having a great time with friends and I’m grateful for my life, right now. Expect that you’ll find love, because you will. I mean, how many people actually end up alone? No one! Let’s be real.”
3. FORGET THE CHECKLIST
Perhaps our checklist isn’t as long as Kim Kardashian’s… but we’d be lying if we said we don’t have *light criteria* we look for in the dating scene. According to Tinx, it’s best we don’t add our checklist to the reservation. “A lot of girls, even my girlfriends, will sit down and say things like ‘He didn’t go to a school that I like, so I’m not interested’ and I think ‘that’s what you’re hung up about?’” What about considering these questions, instead: “How did he make you feel? Did he make you laugh? Did you like the way he smelled? Those kinds of things.”
4. DROP INTO “WE’LL SEE” MENTALITY
Have you ever experienced a first date where you found yourself future-tripping? You know, the moment you realize their favorite holiday is Thanksgiving (so is yours!) or that they could see themselves leaving the city (wait, you also want to own sheep!), so suddenly you start to analyze what a future would be like with this dare-we-say, stranger, in your life? Tinx has a cure for that: “When you find yourself getting excited about someone’s potential, you have to immediately drop into “we’ll see mentality” which is where your reaction is “we’ll see what happens” and take it from there. It’s open minded and positive, but not attached to any outcome. It takes the pressure off dating,” she maintains.
5. UTILIZE YOUR “SELF WORK” TOOLBOX
In the self-development space, especially in regard to relationships, there’s a lot of chat around what it means to “do the work.” But what does inner work actually mean? “For me, ‘the work’ is identifying things about yourself that you want to improve upon, and then taking active measures to do so,” Tinx says. “I started doing this work when I was 26-27, when I was tired of going out and feeling like I was spinning out of control. I wanted to be more confident. I started reading, journaling and going to therapy. I hope everyone gets the opportunity to speak to someone, it has been so instrumental in my growth.” But she also stresses that you don’t have to take every piece of advice handed to you. “Picking and choosing what resonates with me has been key,” she explains. “You can love a certain practice or mentality that your mentor has, and still not love every single thing they do. That’s why it’s important to create your own toolkit of resources and ways to build confidence and feel better about yourself, finding what works for you. It’s what I’ve done, and I’ve been happier ever since.”