12 Things Guests Are Secretly Judging You for Having in Your Home
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Before we go any further, let's start by saying this: You are the king or queen of your home and you can obviously do whatever you want in your kingdom. If you like fake plants? Well, then get yourself a plastic garden. Can't be bothered to organize your entryway? Then embrace the chaos of packages, keys, mail, and shoes. Your house, your business.
And while we'll die on the hill that everyone should live exactly they way they want to, that doesn't mean we stopped having opinions. Anyone with a discerning design eye—interior designers, editors, even design civilians—has a hard time turning off their critical faculties when visiting someone else's home. That’s at least in some small part because judging other people’s home decor choices can make us feel better about our own.
The first thing to note is that you're probably harder on yourself than anyone else is. “People often feel inadequate when they go to other people’s houses during the holidays, thinking my house is not this decorated, or my house is not this clean. They’re actually judging themselves,” explains Niro Feliciano, a cognitive therapist and author of This Book Won’t Make You Happy.
But even Feliciano can't help herself from making a judgey mental note when she walks into a family home with pristine carpets and upholstery. “Anyone with kids who goes into a person’s home and sees a white couch or white carpet thinks, Oh, their kids aren’t able to do anything in this house—I bet they’re not even allowed in that room!” Feliciano admits “Part of that is it helps them feel better that their house is messy. And maybe, secretly, they would love to have a white couch, but it comes out as judgment. We make up all sorts of stories about people when we see their homes.”
So, in the spirit of "if you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit right here by me," we asked around to find out people judge in other people's homes. And we're dying to know: What catches your critical eye?
Bogus Bookshelves
“Bookshelves are for books—not a collection of meaningless props,” says Katie Wolf of Wolf Interiors in Atlanta, Georgia.“Fake books, painted books, or books covered in decorative paper are no-gos. In an ideal world, a bookshelf would be loaded with real books; a collection of yearbooks, paperbacks, cookbooks, or even magazines is better than a random orb or vase.” Since it may take years or even decades to create a library, some meaningful pieces can help fill the gaps, she notes. You could try filling an eye-level shelf with framed photos. “ But scattering photos and objects willy nilly on all shelves is confusing to the eye.” Not a reader? No need to rush out and by some geodes to line your shelves. As Wolf points out, “If you can’t fill the bookcases, you can always eliminate them.”
Objet Overload
"I judge people for having too many accessories in their homes,” says Dorcia Kelley, a Creative Design Specialist in Brooklyn. “Girl, this is not Home Goods—please learn how to curate."
A Pile of Shoes by the Door
“I can’t stand when people insist that you remove your shoes when you come into their house. And, yes, I’m related to some of these people,” says Robin Paulson, a dance instructor who lives in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. “You carefully co-ordinate your attire for a special occasion, calculating heel height of shoe to inseam of pants, and then you have to take your shoes off, dragging the hem of your pants on the floor, sweeping up dog hair and dust.” Paulson isn’t just worried about the deterioration of her own pant cuffs, but of society at large. She asks, “When has the vision of other people’s bunions been a welcome part of holiday celebrations?”
Bad Feng Shui
“I will often visually rearrange an apt in my head as I walk through,” says Elsa Mehary, a Creative Strategist in Brooklyn. “I lightly studied Feng Shui, so I will immediately see areas of discord or clutter in someone’s home, which I won’t mention.” She only breaks her polite silence in support of plant life and her friends’ love lives. “If I see dead or spiky plants I will comment,” she says. “And, because I am a Libra, if I see a bed placed with one side against the wall, I will recommend moving it so that each side is freely accessible for two people—unless the homeowner wants to remain single forever.”
A Cluttered Kitchen Counter
"I actually judge people when there is visual clutter around, especially clutter in high-traffic places," says Joanna Saltz, House Beautiful's editorial director. "It's not that my house isn't cluttered, but when people come over I usually hide it all in the laundry room or bedroom or something."
Toilet Paper Unspooling the Wrong Way
“I am definitely very careful to not make anyone feel bad; I have clients who let their small dog eat *on* the table, and as a fellow dog-lover, I have ZERO judgment,” says Noz Nozawa of Noz Design in San Francisco. But there is one problem that, in true designer fashion, she feels compelled to fix: “If I come to someone's house and the toilet paper roll's loose edge is coming off the back of the roll, I have to swap it. It's just not right for people to live this way, and I've been around enough TP holders to be able to fix the roll deftly.”
Window Treatments
"I can't help myself—I always notice if someone has ill-fitting, wrinkled drapes that they clearly bought off the shelf from Bed Bath and Beyond," says Elizabeth Angell, a House Beautiful contributing editor. "I know custom window treatments are expensive, but at least buy the heavy, lined drapery panels, iron them properly and get them hemmed to fit your space."
Pretentious Pot-Fillers
“Don't get me started on pot fillers at ranges,” says Santa-Fe-based artist Bonnie Sachs. “I get that it is convenient to fill your pasta pot—but how does that help lifting the now-finished pot back to the sink? They do look kind of nifty hovering over the cook top, but as far as I’m concerned, they’re a useless status symbol.”
Bad Bulbs
"I cannot stand those god-awful cool, white bulbs that make you feel like you're being interrogated," says House Beautiful's Market Director Carisha Swanson. "I am a warm light, everything-on-a-dimmer human. I even get mad at street lights that are that bright surgical light." (She recommends the GE Relax bulbs, if you're in the market.)
Larger-Than Life Photo Portraits
“I judge large family photos hanging on the wall in common spaces—living room, dining room, entry way,” says Lavinia Moss, a Manhattan mother of three very photogenic children. “Family photos are not art. I have heard interior designers say they should be tucked into private spaces, like bedrooms, and I completely agree. I don't mind seeing a few family photos in frames displayed on tables or in bookshelves. I certainly do that. But nothing is bigger than a 5x7. The blown-up photos hanging on the wall feel cheesy to me. The worst is the triptych of photos all from the same photo shoot, just different family configurations. Put those in a back hallway or your bedroom.”
A Conspicuous Lack of Liquid Soap
"Shared bar soap," says Nicolas Neubeck, House Beautiful's creative director. (Ed note: Especially if it's sitting in a pool of murky water in a little dish.)
Kids
“What do I judge my friends for when I see it in their home?” asks New York City ophthalmologist Richard Levy. “Children. And you can quote me on that.”
Further proof that when it comes to filling a house, one person’s ick is another’s aw!
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